Zuri Scrivens

Writer and Birth Doula

Zuri Scrivens is a Canadian writer, knitter and creative designer, born in Vancouver, BC. She is currently a student of The Writer’s Studio, Simon Fraser University’s prestigious creative writing program.

Lately, The Lie

I’d be lying if I said I’ve been thinking of you lately

Lately implies that there was a time before

Before missing you and daily thoughts of you

A time before the hurt you left me with

And so many unanswered questions

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Love Lyrics

I’ve never been able to turn love on and off like a light switch

quite the way you do

You wear it like a glove

Comfort and warmth, then barely even a memory once removed

I’ve never been able to go from devotion to hatred

in the blink of an eye

One wrong choice made and the bridge is burned, your decision made

No matter of holidays spent, blood shared, kindnesses offered

That final choice was all you needed

for love to turn cold

No remorse, no room to forgive

Memories turned to dust that cakes the cracks of the heart you’ve broken
Didn’t anyone ever tell you that anger fades

But love imprints

A lasting scar on that tired muscle

still beating heaving in your chest.

 

On Suicide

I sit in the absence of hope, constricted heart trembling with waves of fear, confusion, anger, disbelief. I sit in the absence of hope, the sun still shining, still rising, still setting. The moon unmasking more of its face than five days ago. I sit in the absence of hope wondering who is next. Wondering who is out there, suffering. Trapped in this absence. I sit in the absence of hope, shocked, unnerved. I sit with this absence of hope and recognize it for what it is. In this absence, why would one ask for help? We can say, find help, ask for help, get help, seek help. We can say this over, and over, and over again, but in the absence of hope, what is the point in finding help? In the absence of hope, it is too late. We need to change the discussion, the dialogue. We need to do better. We need to feel each other more. Pay attention more. We have disconnected ourselves from each other. Empathy has become something to fear instead of something to recognize as our power. Empathy binds us together. Helps us see sooner when one of us is walking down a path that is too dark and too difficult to handle alone. We must use our power to find courage. To be brave enough to ask the question that we don’t want to  know the answer to. Have you ever thought of killing yourself?

 

Home-less

It hasn’t been that long since I last saw you. Two or three years, maybe. When I saw you sitting amidst the SUV’s and the modern pickup trucks, watching the passersby sip on their frappuccinos and frosted donuts. It hasn’t been that long. Maybe two or three years. Still I recognize you. And I can’t help but wonder, why are you still here? Why do you still sit on the street. 30 degrees Celsius and here you are waiting, begging, for what? It’s hard not to wonder. And others might say, well, he’s lazy, that’s all there is to it. And I think, yeah, maybe, but then I think about myself and I think about how easy it is to slip into my own laziness, how easy it is some days to say, no, I don’t want to get out of bed, no, I don’t want to work, no, I don’t want to feed you. How easy it is for me to slip into that funk. Is there really any difference between me and you. I pulled the lucky cards. I pulled the lucky straws. I pulled the lucky hand. That’s all there is to it. I got the good parents. I got the ones that gave me the good upbringing and gave me everything I needed to know to make a good person of myself, and when the shit hit the fan, to know, okay, you can fight through this, you can push through this. I got the lucky hand. What did you get? Did you get parents? And if you got parents, did they stick around? Maybe they left you. Maybe you were a firehall door baby. But maybe you did have them and maybe they stayed with you and maybe it was just so hard for them, and maybe you were the 6th, 7th, 8th baby and maybe they just gave up and had no more energy, nothing left to give. Maybe they didn’t know what to do with a child with so much presence. And it was just too hard. And they gave up, gave in. And you, well, you carried on.